15 August 2006
Saved!
but what about my soul.
While it is nice to not have to go out of town at the same time I feel like I have thrown another under the bus. Why am I more important...or more accurately why is my time more important.
After all of the work that we put in over the past two days getting the software in much better shape I feel like there probably will not be any problems. But that does not stop me from not wanting to go. Also, every time I think about the project my stomach knots up and my brain goes into overdrive fretting over all of the potential problems that could happen. Now that I am not going back, at least this week, I still get worked up. I suppose that I feel bad that I think there could still be problems. And I am scared that I could still end up out there next week or later.
Funny, I used to like traveling. Now, I would do almost anything to not have to. It may just be with Kate being pregnant or it may be that I am experiencing burn out.
As the product line has picked up speed and the projects have increased in complexity the cracks in the product have begun to show. I am nervous about rolling it out to the rest of engineering and the revolt that could be on our hands. Sure it is not my product line, but I have been the application engineering liason and there is the possibility that if things are not acceptable they may ask why I did not raise a warning. The simple answer is that our group was tasked with both critiquing the product line so that development knew where to improve and also putting a positive spin on the product line so that application engineering would not be down on it.
Being pretty much the only controls engineer involved from the application side anything what is not fixed or identified could be seen as my deficiency. Recently I have been thinking about how I could temporarily get out of this, but then there would be nothing gained from the last 18 months. Hopefully, after I get through the next 9 weeks and then after the respit after the baby is born things will be better and I will feel recharged. ¶ 20:45
While it is nice to not have to go out of town at the same time I feel like I have thrown another under the bus. Why am I more important...or more accurately why is my time more important.
After all of the work that we put in over the past two days getting the software in much better shape I feel like there probably will not be any problems. But that does not stop me from not wanting to go. Also, every time I think about the project my stomach knots up and my brain goes into overdrive fretting over all of the potential problems that could happen. Now that I am not going back, at least this week, I still get worked up. I suppose that I feel bad that I think there could still be problems. And I am scared that I could still end up out there next week or later.
Funny, I used to like traveling. Now, I would do almost anything to not have to. It may just be with Kate being pregnant or it may be that I am experiencing burn out.
As the product line has picked up speed and the projects have increased in complexity the cracks in the product have begun to show. I am nervous about rolling it out to the rest of engineering and the revolt that could be on our hands. Sure it is not my product line, but I have been the application engineering liason and there is the possibility that if things are not acceptable they may ask why I did not raise a warning. The simple answer is that our group was tasked with both critiquing the product line so that development knew where to improve and also putting a positive spin on the product line so that application engineering would not be down on it.
Being pretty much the only controls engineer involved from the application side anything what is not fixed or identified could be seen as my deficiency. Recently I have been thinking about how I could temporarily get out of this, but then there would be nothing gained from the last 18 months. Hopefully, after I get through the next 9 weeks and then after the respit after the baby is born things will be better and I will feel recharged. ¶ 20:45
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I see your position not all that unlike when a teacher is promoting a new series or textbook. YOu're excited because you like things about it, but nothing is perfect. If you don't support it whole heartedly, the other animals smell blood and rip you apart. So it isn't fair that you carry this onus when it wasn't even really your call to get it in the first place. The implementation of ANY new idea takes at least 3-5 years to happen effectively. Remember how long your company has been working with the other product line. You'll catch up.
I agree with Kate. You have what my employer would call "high predictive responsibility" which is a great thing for your employer and a huge stressor for you. I hope things start to go better with the product and that when the baby comes you have a chance to recharge. Good luck...
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